The Pathetic Emperor

“Migz, pathetic. Pathetic talaga.”

With those heinously treasonous remarks to the Emperor of Nerdovia, the Lord Bocobo could have been stripped of his title, guillotined thrice and cursed to the seventh level of hell for all eternity. But, he was very fortunate; his life was spared from damnation. The emperor remained silent. The silence would have been an ominous sign but his face that forever radiated an aura of power and strength showed anything but rage. With an odd grin, the spoiled king said:

“Oo nga, pathetic nga.”

It’s really weird for someone who has always projected an image of invincibility to have a weakness so foolish and senseless as the one the Rex Nerdoviae has. He may have conquered lands and seas and ruled over mighty people but still, he plummets to the dark abyss of depression whenever he leaves his friends for a mere 2-week vacation. The condition is much worse when the vacation would be a month longer.

Ok, enough with the pomp and pageantry and let’s stick to the case in hand: I have a separation anxiety disorder (though it’s wrong to diagnose one’s self). So let’s probe into the diagnosis and probable differential diagnosis. The symptoms include physiological signs during the separation period such as nausea and dyspnea and of course, the mental and emotional distress. From my research, the differentials include Pervasive Developmental Disorders (autism), schizophrenia, and Panic Disorder with Agoraphobia, fear of being in an embarrassing situation. (www.mentalhealth.com) We can rule out schizophrenia since I don’t hear voices and I don’t talk to the wall, and Panic disorder with Agoraphobia. For those who really know me, I'm sure you would agree that I don’t have agoraphobia. With regard to autism, I think someone out there whom I know very much is planning to do an extensive research on borderline autism especially on adolescents and adults so we won’t rule this out completely. But, the main diagnosis still is separation anxiety.

Separation anxiety disorder is basically a manifest anxiety when a person is separated or about to be separated from people whom he is attached to i.e. parents and friends. Another sign revealed by our patient (that’s me) is fear of being alone. The disorder occurs commonly in children (Remember our first time to go to school? My memories are very clear and vivid: I was crying when my Mom left and when my Yaya was forced to stay outside the classroom back in the Montessori.) However, it can also occur in adults, in any stage of life, and even in pets. (www.wikipedia.com)

Now, some of you may actually believe me here (That would make me a good diagnostician but I’m sorry, I'm not. I want to be a surgeon.) and others may be totally freaked out by this diagnostic procedure happening in this blog. In the end, the entire diagnostic discussion is futile, since I’m the patient and I’m the doctor. In principle, self-diagnosis doesn’t work. So here I end my self-mental examination.

So, if we rule out a psychological disorder, we have nothing else to assume but the possibility that I'm just pathetic. But, such a cruel verdict to the emperor is never acceptable unless I'm done with my defense. First and foremost, my pathetic condition only lasts temporarily. Second, though I haven’t explored that option yet, I may not actually feel the “anxiety” if I replace it with something else. Perhaps, if I could induce myself into sleep (not coma) and wake up sometime after the duration of the separation, I’ll be totally fine. And for the clincher of my defense, I’ll be citing the etymology of the word pathetic. I know this tactic will be disclosed as a silly logical fallacy but I think it will pose some significance. Pathetic is derived from the Greek word pathos which means feeling or emotion. What if I’m just overly emotional and have lost my grip to the ultimate weapon of supremacy: apathy? People keep telling me that nothing’s wrong in missing someone, it’s just being human and sharing oneself to others. (See, I'm not really that selfish. Haha) But the catch here is that I just get profoundly melodramatic when those separation days are approaching. When I’m back to my normal stubborn self, the all-powerful obstinate bratty emperor is back. So the theory is I’m just human and my feet still rest on the ground.

Now, we have three choices: it’s either I am really presenting with an anxiety disorder, I’m just overly emotional or I'm just pathetic. You be the judge.

But before the defense rests, I want to stress that if suddenly I get those emotions and be able to utter things inexplicable for someone so goal-driven egoistic and bratty like me, maybe there’s some truth to it. It may reside in the deepest part of my entirety but it’s still there. I hope.

Now, I rest my case.